you..you..sexist!

2005-02-23T04:36:00.000-08:00

hello people who come to my blog.
here
if youre too lazy to click!
then uh.
too bad.
hahaha

2005-02-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

everyone's so nosy. everyone likes to pry into my business. i have no sense of privacy at all.
it sort of reminds me of the traumatising lives of movie stars, famous jocks and beautiful people. how flattering.
so i like him. who cares.
anyway. i'm tired of being lousy at school work. i shall just stop trying and revert to my usual slacking. i did much better that way.
and i'm tired of being lousy at softball. it's like. c'mon, give me a break. i'm trying my best already.
school is dull. i suppose i could make it more interesting. i already am, given that people are probably convulsing in laughter at my predicament. heartless fiends.
i have just committed social suicide. wait, i do that quite often.
i'm not being sore okay. it's just how i type. like i'm not hostile. it's just my goddamn face.
anyway.
let's see what tomorrow has to throw at me. i hope theyre vegetables.

2005-02-15T03:14:00.000-08:00

if only ------ would tag my blog. seriously. i mean now that wayne has publicised it and all. thanks wayne. you're going to make me cry.
i've been eating brown stuff all day. it reminds me of him. he's tanned like anything.
i'm blimmin lovesick. i think i will be for a long, long time. i don't think i'll ever see him again, though there's a low probability, but it's highly unlikely.
today was the useless changi beach thing. we went there and learnt, to our horror, that the bodies of those brutally slaughtered had never been excavated. in order not to incur any spirit's wrath due to our careless treading on their graves, i said my prayers long before. good for me.
we went to the changi chapel again which i still remember fresh in my mind, therefore it was a complete and total waste of time, though doubtless the teachers had good intentions of making us learn more about history. but they shouldn't have made it compulsory for those who went before, seriously.
lit is freakin depressing.
i love the word freakin you know. the way i say it is like frickin. i think i sound like a bimbotic bitch and it irks the hell out of everyone, but it's just for fun, anyhow.
my msn msnger kinda bombed.
everything is bombing at the same time. its a conspiracy, i tell you.
i shall now depart to ponder on the meaning of life and the loss of love.
fare the well, noble compatriots.

2005-02-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

today is valentine's day.
i couldn't help thinking about him. my mind just kept drifting.
it would be fantabulous if he were here and all.
nevertheless! happy valentine's day loves.

2005-02-12T01:20:00.000-08:00

my mom gave us ------ today. i almost cried.
so saddening okay. i'm still coping with it and i have to eat ------.
hoho.
i just realised how cool gurbster sounds. its like some weird moniker. like superman! whooh. i like. (=
i love ------!

2005-02-08T04:15:00.000-08:00

when you're down and troubled
just think of the potatoe fields! cos people are like potato fields! they both need to grow!!
or something like that. i was listening! i was i was
hooray for the potato fields!

2005-02-07T03:44:00.000-08:00

well.
i may be psychotic and suicidal and insane and depressed.
but!
i'm in love. (like what's new anyway.)
that should curb my whims awhile. perhaps.

2005-02-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

He's testing me too much.
i'm not Job, i can't withstand the trials and tribulations. maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
maybe He's driving me away. as does everyone else.
i hate my life.
i hate me.

2005-02-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

i re-commited myself to God today.
i wonder if He'll accept me after i've wronged Him thus.
i can't survive without Him.

2004 softball gathering

2005-01-30T01:56:00.000-08:00

the softball barbeque was a mo of sheer sunshine.
we just ate and ate and got steam treatment by the stifling smoke.
i was the earliest sec 3 to arrive! . and i was worried that the sec 2s would outnumber the sec 3s again so i was all hyped up to get people to come and guess what! the sec 2s outnumbered us again. whooh.
so pink baboon came 15 mins after me with the chaota malay boy and they brought food. then jo staggered in laden with bags and bags of edible thingies.
so we just fooled around and pitched inside the function room and all and suyee and i felt thirsty so we went down to buy a drink from some old grump and i decided to buy ice cream instead. THEN! i spotted a water gun and we wanted to spray the juniors but jia erica and steph came down and kinda ruined our plan. nevertheless we recruited more conspirators and we wanted to blast fang and lisa but um. we ran away screaming? hahaha i sprayed fang and i was like YAY and then she squatted down and charged at me and i was bowled over by her sumo talents.
eventually we decided to go down and set up the bbq and erica and i really wanted to get wet so we sat on the rocks by the pool and she threw my sandals in cos i didnt want to go in properly! x) stupid malay boy. then i threw hers and she didnt get them! so i had to run across to the other side and get them and there was this stupid nosy woman who was like "you shouldn't throw slippers in the pool, there are swimmers there you know." with an amazingly sombong look on her face so i threw her a fantastically dirty look and told her it wasn't my fault. HAHA i bet she thought i was some street urchin. the devil may care, but i don't.
so when lisa and fang were setting up the bbq (because they were so dang dominant about it) jess and i were throwing the ball around and jess threw it into the pool! typical jess. tsk.
and suyee wanted me to take a pic with her so we got steph to do it and my, she took about 10 minutes to take one wobbly picture. photography won't be an alternative career choice for her, i don't think.
oh yes. since steph looked so sexy lisa kept trying to feed her to ruin her figure. HAHA.
eventually coach came and he was wearing this shirt with this super ugly girl on it and we realised it was him! so um. hahaha. after that i was the chef and everything and fang kept swinging her stupid tongs around at me and the oily girl(su) wasn't paying attention or anything so i was like ahhh! and coach was putting bread on the balloons "for the birds." it was like a retard convention. but in a good way. haha coach brought these supposed pork ribs and they were just lumps of fat so i don't think anyone ate them? haha
oh yes then a bunch of us sat by the pool and i wanted to throw coach in so we all conspired and it almost backfired-we were pretending to throw jeannie in to get coach's attention and he came but we tried pushing him in but alamak! he is SO heavy! then he started pulling my leg so i would fall in too and thankfully suyee jean and shiyou saved me and fang finally pushed him in and i dont think he really believed we had the guts to do it so hah!
then shiyou and i grabbed his shoes and threw them in, too.
then the anticlimax. I WENT HOME. gosh. haha but it was so rad anyway.

2005-01-27T03:39:00.000-08:00

school is nearing the end of the month. still having a slight adjustment problem with my class. miss the insane bubbles in 2d. things always change, i guess. blast those darn winds of change. its like, i don't know- a sense of passive hostility maybe? its the disinterest that gets me. maybe i'm just being strange. well, thats a daily occurence anyhow.
adaptation is the key. i'm a hopeless organism. i lack all the characteristics of life but nutrition.
i wish i hadnt overlooked my class . i wish i hadn't taken them all for granted.
you never know whats dear to you until it vanishes from your life, i suppose. i'll never get it back. making friends is such a tedious process. and it doesnt help that i'm a devout antisocialite, not to mention a developing social pariah.
i think, once tessa gets high, i get the lows.
this is the beginning of the end. or whichever. my lifeline's getting shorter, anyhow.
this didn't quite cut the mark for happy entries did it.
well. meijin is obsessed with my hair! hahaha scary.

training

2005-01-19T03:51:00.000-08:00

today's training was just absolutely spanking scary.
our new coach is severely severe. 15km per week? that's training for the olympics already. but oh well it'll much help in my quest to lose weight. hahaha
i cant imagine that coach is leaving. why does he have to leave? shouldn't we, the team, also help make important decisions like this? after all, we're the ones to be subjected to the torture, after all. i never thought i'd say this, but i sorta miss coach. training's going to be so deadbeat. i dont think our new coach is liable to be humorous or anything.
but heck. i don't know. stupid winds of change. go and die lah.

my prospective husband! hahaha

2005-01-18T04:23:00.000-08:00

helloo during english the other day ms teo made us advertise ourselves for a matchmaking company to get a husband. well that was okay i suppose. then for the next lesson we had to imagine the guy of our dreams. haha ms teo is really in love man (=
so since i have nothing better to do and am trying to forget about the masses of homework trying to suffocate me i shall make a nice happy list! haha

he must have a credible amount of intelligence
he must be able to hold his own in deep conversation
he must be ever charming and tolerant
he must have a harley davidson
he must listen to rock music
he must have at least 2 tattoos. not the ah-beng ones but real, cool ones.
he must have a diamond earring.
he must be tanned
he must have styled hair, not the messed up schoolguy kind.
he must have great eyes.
he must be able to play a sport with a certain amount of dexterity and skill
he must have a well-defined six pack. HAHA
he must be outgoing and cheery but also deliciously dangerous.
he must have nice fingernails.
he must be able to speak clearly and have a nice voice.
he must have a good job, being a chef or something. no doctors or lawyers.
he must have his own apartment
he must be thoughtful and ever willing to spend money on a worthy cause. *ahem*.
did i forget tall, dark and handsome? cliche. haha but nonetheless!

MY GOSH HE IS SO PERFECT. i tell you i will be single for life.

2005-01-15T01:30:00.000-08:00

it's 4.30 on saturday afternoon. and there's nothing good on tv! the horror.
so i have decided to dig up my 2 year old photo album in the hope of avoiding the strenous and tedious task hated by man - studying. =
ahh i miss the time when i was a cute little thing and when i smiled everyone would love me. life justs get more and more tiresome when we get older. pity.
and msn isn't working. i feel like hurling. i suppose i shouldn't have demolished that tub of ice cream. no more until march mann.
have i turned into a social pariah? people have been shunning my existence. poopalicious. ah well i shall go do something constructive now. no one comes here anyway.

school

2005-01-14T04:37:00.000-08:00

school seems to be rather ookkaay. but the homework. goodness there's like no time to breathe.
our teachers are like . superbly eccentric! and funny. like when mr loh was talking and his spectacle lens fell out HAHA and then ms thomas talked 1 and a half periods away about stuff like dolly the cloned sheep and how the scientists took the dna from the sheep's udder which is basically it's boob and then they named it dolly after dolly parton because she supposedly has big boobs or something? hahaha
and yes, i joined chess. all you geek-fearing people, well hum. watch out now. =
today seems to be a happy year. i'm looking forward to obs a bit, but still slightly apprehensive. am loving Jane's Addiction. spending 5 days without a toilet i can tackle, but no music? kill me now.
softball rocks as ever. but my concentration's faltering. i seem to have lost my knack to survive training, if i ever possessed one.
isn't this nice i havent updated in so long! recently, i've truly fallen in love with chemistry. so interesting YAY but physics is . nada. maybe if i tell myself i love physics i'll reaally love it. bonkers.
i cant wait! :x haha

2004-12-29T04:16:00.000-08:00

okay the thing about the thousands massacred at Phuket, the Maldives, Chennai and Aceh. that's quite evil, i think. an act of God. how just. it sort of reminds me of the time when God wiped out the entire Earth's population and instructed Noah to build an ark. maybe we're not being subservient enough to his needs. But nevertheless, they're onto better things, despite the pain they must have endured during their mangled deaths.
I'm glad that people are actually stepping up and helping. It's quite extraordinary actually. People actually care. maybe there's some hope for our degenerating world after all.
at least their souls are at rest now. death is only the beginning of the great journey of life, after all.
okay onto less morbid things. school. did i say less morbid. i meant lonely.
ah well. time to put my seriously unused friend-making skills back in action.
chao!

2004-12-28T05:04:00.000-08:00

so irritating no one ever reads my posts. i must get a more post-friendly template. no point spilling my cheem guts if no one sees right. hum.
holidays are ending in like a few days and i havent slacked properly yet! darn.
little bit of apprehension about school again, i suppose. being bombarded with work, and making new peoples. oh, the hardship.
i'm off on a rant of my own now, i doubt people would notice but whatever ! no one ever reads anyway!
i shall go drown my sorrows in another round of gran turismo now. humbug.

2004-12-24T23:39:00.000-08:00

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
we don't have a tree...
i didnt buy any presents...
and horror of horrors ...
we managed to finish the turkey ALL AT ONE GO!

and channel 5 isnt playing joseph and the amazing technicolour dreamcoat! HOW CAN THIS BE! what a wonky christmas.
anyway merry christmas my little wackos and dont bother bugging me anymore those who didnt wish me. poo.

GOOD DAY

2004-12-02T04:08:00.000-08:00

yes make-up. the fascinating object of admiration. when i grow up i want to be a make-up artist cum journalist cum writer cum actress ! i'm sure i can fit that in. =
i'm confined to the empty voids of my mind, bound by chains of parental restriction, spending my life pussyfooting. oh, a life on envy. i have everything, yet nothing. nevertheless, i shan't spill my guts over the internet on a private blog whom strangers from even antarctica can access.
i want to watch alexander. but it's M18. damn. and in Troy when people were literally mucking about everywhere, it was PG. the movie-raters of today need to have their eyes checked. honestly.
seriously, i dont think so highly of sex. it's supposed to be some great spiritual and physical exhilarating experience, but it seems so hollow. people just make rash decisions and in a moment of unconquerable lust and sexual passion, they surrender themselves to people whom they're not even sure they'd like to unite as one with. usually it just ends in disaster. an unplanned pregnancy perhaps. then we'd spend the rest of our lives tearing our hair out while listening to the melodious sounds of our psychotic childrens' incessant screaming. deardear.
now i think, without sex, drugs, and alcohol and all other evils that movies teach us, my life now should work out just fine.

2004-12-01T05:44:00.000-08:00

halooo sgi results today. taufik was smooth today. (= yay i hope he wins.
i'm very bored during the holidays. I WISH THERE WAS TRAINING. haha when do i ever say that. and they're so dysfunctional. sometimes they behave like morons. it's quite funny, especially if you're not involved in the brawl. if they just took some time to look at their actions they would realise they're being unreasonable. i'll bet even they'll laugh at some of their ridiculous actions. (= spread the love, man. hostility makes Bush's. and Hitler's. be like Che Guevara! the freedom fighter. (this is for your benefit, you relaxed shopaholics who don't read history. at all.) but please don't go around making love. that's just sick. -) haha
oh gosh i'm looking forward to next year. sounds geeky much. but this solitude is too much for me! i'm game to make new friends. haha!
okiiie short tag replies before i go cheer taufik. whoop. (=
oh when did i stop. oh yes, tessa.
tessa: stop being so random man! you're freaking . haha groovy babe let's go surfin' to check out the hunks. deeep. haha!
ariel: haha ariel you have such a jet-set life i doubt we'll ever make it! hums. let's try to make it before christmas yeps! haha and yes you stopped cursing my tb. finally! haha
kim: aww that's so sweet babe. (= but that puny joseph is upstaging me! hums. haha ilu! (=
claire: haloo fellow cool-named dude! (=
ode: yes ode heidi has a blog. haha! for a smart person you're blur. like mandy eh! haha and yes carry on tagging my blog! even when you're 21! (= and of course you can't forget me man! i'm like... me! haha
alrighties i'll stop crapping now and go off. chao!

2004-11-28T04:12:00.000-08:00

these few days have been tough mann. but eventually i just got over it. yeps. all through our lives we're hindered by pathetic excuses for human beings and such. but i shant let it bug me! you know those bobbing dolls? the ones that are always rocking and are so agitating to hit cos they just come right back bobbing and bobbing ... and bobbing. yes i'm like that. those irritating always-calm dolls. haha!
gee this holiday is so boring. i miss my darling retards lah! haha and yes, the shut up game. it was so fun fighting mann. half the time i was really actually enjoying it! haha! ode always turned around to scrutinise our idiocy. no wonder her grades starting falling after she met me. haha! but you must admit she became a whole lot funner. (=
that reminds me, ode doesn't come to tag anymore. has she forgotten us poor nincompoops still at mg? tsktsk. how fast they grow up. ah, the pain of sweet nostalgia.
tag replies! like finally right! haha
miss piggy: what are you doing online ah! shoo. go do your work! then when you become a top-notch lawyer you'll thank me. haha. aand. my piercings are annoying me ok! when i sleep theyre like poking my head. gosh. haha!
asyikin: haiiyah yeps we know. the world is full of biased idiots! (=
rica: nvm we go out another time k!
tessa: what is with the "k"'s man. haha! sigh tessa you're so full of rubbish. cute.
ahma: cos i make them myself lah! haha i can make one for you if you like. when i'm free. which is 90% of the time. (=

2004-11-26T05:18:00.000-08:00

i mustve been jack the ripper in another lifetime. otherwise why would fate like to crush me so often.
it's not that i'm lazy. i invest as much effort as anyone else.
you're just biased.
and stupid.
die, you old hag.

2004-11-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

2004-11-16T01:02:00.000-08:00

and the procrastinator...
has stopped procrastinating.
1. i will make something of my life!
2. i will stop trying to freak people out!
3. i will stop harbouring evil thoughts!
4. i will get sexy!
5. i will start studying properly! (whenever i decide to get my books lah. haha!)
6. i will get more cca points!
7. i will read more books pertaining to life skills rather than philosophy!
8. i will be more helpful and help others who need my help. (=
i feel so accomplished now! haha! so anyone who needs my help (see point 8), please apply within. (so professional eh.)

2004-11-15T02:56:00.000-08:00

hey i'm finally updating. soo exciting hor. well nothing nice happened to me really. korea was a nice change thoughh - it was so cool. but the food there sucked. well, no, actually it was quite nice but it was just too much of a good thing. the weather was nice. there was actually wind! (=
here's something to make you guys feel better about yourself. No one is ugly.
what is beauty? How do we define beauty? The definition of beauty is simply restricted to the limits of the human mind in our society. Anyone who is not open to new ideas would not know the meaning of true beauty. Beauty is not simply skin-deep, it is also purity of the mind, heart and soul. Inner beauty is the type of beauty that should truly matter. The physical beauty of someone could be marred depending on her behaviour. We should never overlook the fact that there are others who are supposedly "less fortunate", and they have become reclusive and self-conscious because of the painful rejection subjected to them by cruel society. We should break free of convention, for convention contricts our thoughts and movements. We should not judge others by the fact that they are well-endowed, or have beautiful alabaster skin, on the contrary, who should judge people by what lies within.
now isnt that nice? now everyone can go to bed happy! (= eee i love doing good deeds! haha

2004-11-15T01:22:00.000-08:00

2004-11-06T01:21:00.000-08:00

hello since i've got major time to kill i shall update! dumsdeedums.
i feel like going out! but cannot! )= i'm going to korea and we're staying in a casino hotel on the first night! but my mom says no gambling. at all. that's so sad ok. i was sooo looking forward to playing roulette and blackjack! hahas
i was told to dedicate this entry to the gorgeous people in my class who're leaving mg forever. this is so sad so let's not go into details and i'm just going to tell you guys (ode, sarah, sixuan, szemin and melody) --- you rock my world. (=
and 2d, i'm missing your bullshit already!

2004-11-02T01:45:00.000-08:00

okkk i'm dedicating this entry to 2d!
i hated you people at first --- but apparently i was labouring under a misapprehension cos you people are such gorgeous people! honestly!
ok so i'll go through the list of who was nice to me. if you're not there.. then i probably didn't know you so well. [x
donkey: you stupid useless bodyguard. even though you're a major pain in the ass sometimes you rock. thanks for being so understanding and bearing with all my bullshit. haha
kelly: farmerr! ah you've been very nice to me this year and i think you've put up with more bull than suyee has haha. thanks for the counseling and all. you were the only person i could really talk to this year and i appreciate that. alot. you rock kelly.
mr kumquat: oat's i'm going to miss you muchmuch you better call me ok. see lah! now i wont have anyone to copy hw frm! )= haha hope you make nice friends in rg! (but of course they won't compare to me!)
the weird gang. (jean ariel mel wanpin): you bugged me so much this year ok -.- there are limits to human tolerance! nevertheless you've been great. when you actually bothered to listen and all.
the water bottle gang!! (val jan ode): even though i only became closer to you guys like really late into the year i still think you people were really nice and you all rock. and val dont send me such scary smses ok. haha
all in all i still dislike SOME people in 2d. maybe even some people here sometimes. but that's beside the point. i think 2d's been a great place to be. i wouldn't trade my memories for all the money in the world --- well, if you're talking Bill Gates, then hmm. (=

2004-10-23T04:34:00.000-07:00

YOU POMPOUS LOAD OF BULLSHIT
YOUR I-AM-BETTER-THAN-THE-REST ATTITUDE IS F**CKED UP CRAP OK.
YOU ARE NOTHING.
I CANT BELIEVE I WASTED MY TIME ON YOU.
JUST BLOODY F*** OFF. AND MEANWHILE STICK A POKER UP YOUR ASS LOSER.

don't tell me. i have alot of angst? ya. (=
i don't wanna do tag replies.
i sold my soul for a mess of supposed idealism.

"and thus i die, a protest to the world."

2004-10-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

hey everyone was being such a sweetie today. thanks jean wanpin mel ariel for singing those songs haha they sorta cheered me up (= you guys rock. dont know what i'd do without you guys. and kellie. and of course the water bottle gang + donkey. (= i'm so glad we're in the same class. going to miss all of youu when i go to B5 aye.
but you see.
kelly: "be strong clari you're always strong."
i'm to busy piecing others together i'm falling apart. i cant do it.

2004-10-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

R	Realistic
I	Inspirational
S	Shy
A	Accurate

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

my acronym very nice hor. (= haha. hm today was boring. went for lunch with my sis and she was being a grumpee old fart but haiya. can tahan la. my stress is over! (= yea then she insulted my ring which i like very much and got me grumpy too.
then we deposited her back after lunch and went home. my mom's watching passion of the christ upstairs. honestly. she's trying to convert me back into Christian faith, i think. but i shan't be so easily swayed! i hope. trying to update more often since i've no commitments. (= done! haha

tag replies(=
rickiie: done alr. (=
ariel: haha you and jean are so alike la! white chicks is annoying. now everyone wants to have a BF on me. haha (=
ahma: haha why am i funny! so odd. ya i like my lay too! haha kim was clapping for everything =x
ting: ya la you silly doode you forgot abt me because of your sad movie. =x call me today! if you're not eating i think(which is 10% of the time. =x) haha. i know i know! borrow a racquet from kim? i think she has 10 million. haha dont be so mean to tessa! but i got hiko so i'm safe! haha (= imagine you. and kenshin. hm.
donkey: haha your tag so short la you.
jamie: stupid ! i told you not to call me gurbani like how many times ah. just cannot register la haha. wqyl is quite nice! but i only watched 1/2 cos i was watching original sin.
ginnie: noo i didnt make my lay myself. too lazy la =x you were always ginnie ginnie! (=

2004-10-16T05:36:00.000-07:00

ah see see i changed my layout! my layouts are always so nice *grin*
and jie if you're reading this (which of course you are) i've become smarter than you! haha i'm learning left-handedness [=
we went out ytd and amazingly i only bought one thing haha ahwell. we watched white chicks. man it was so idiotic. kelly was snorting every 3 minutes and kim was clapping while asyikin and i were just taking turns to say "i'm cold". turns out we were sitting under the air-con vent! haha sigh.
going back to sch on mondee yay. its been so boring sittin tight at home. i watched a walk to rmb today. me with a heart of stone. i didn't even shed one tear. in fact i was smiling through the whole movie. haha sadist! i was just so amused by the idiocy of it all. tessa is really affecting me.
i, too, am suffering frm lack-of-samurai-x withdrawal symptoms. i mean, no more hiko. the heartache. did i mention i'm not so hung up on orlando anymore! i find anime men much better. haha
oh i cant seem to update properly so appease yourself with this delightfully unintelligent entry.

the tag replies are too darn long so i shall post them here.

jean: haha sigh jean! when do people say I'M FREAKING PISSED then laugh. =x haha so cute.

ahma: ahma!! i dont know why i'm not euphoric i think i'm just weird. haha (= and stop god-blessing me lehs! i don't believe in God!

shermy: euphoric means super happy eh. (=

ting: lets go for classes! thursdee can rites. (= and go buy a racquet! how to play without one. haha

tessa: haha okiies but really i still have no idea who ferrero is and how he plays. but i assume he's good so ok! (= come join us la! you can always tape samurai x. no. the horror.

sarah: i would return good for good but i dont like yr froggie haha (= i promise to tag like. soon?

tessa: man i pity you dude. but maybe they're right. you know. they matched me with hiko and all. haha imagine you and saito. glaring at each other across the room. then suddenly. a heated battle. sorry. imagination's getting the better of me. but you know. we always hurt the ones we love. haha don't worry you'll get aoshi in the end. i think (=

ja: hey ja! i want my present aye. *grin*

ginnie: haha so cutee! (= where do pictures fly out arh. haha !

okies done. peace.

2004-10-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

sometimes. sometimes i wish i wasn't here.
i mean. to have to endure it. the torment. and the fear? nahh. but then again. i'm too afraid of death. what WOULD satisfy me. nothing i presume.
exams are over. everyone was euphoric. except me. i'd be going back.
nevermind if you dont understand. i dont think many would. sure.

2004-10-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

2 more days! (: argh we can do this people.
and then i can go back obsessing to whoever i obsess about.
yessir.
ah so fun. changing colours.
my entries have lost all substance yeahs. my intelligence is slowly dwindling away.
haha oh well [=
g'luck everyone!

peace.

hey guys

2004-10-10T02:29:00.000-07:00

hey i'm sorry
but i have to change the damn account again.
if exam stress is not enough-my email's been bugged again.
sorry ya.
add retrode_psychology@hotmail.com .
goodie.
btw.
TESSA THOUGHT OF IT. =x haha

WHAT WAS I THINKING

2004-10-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

WHAT WAS I THINKING.
I CANT DO THIS
THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GET THROUGH THESE EXAMS.
I'M TOO BLOODY STUPID
EVERYONE WILL DO BETTER THAN ME
and i'll be behind. again.
there's no point even TRYING
i can't make it. i'm a retard.

bleh!

2004-10-06T23:56:00.000-07:00

new temp! ahh. exams are here. let's mugg.
i think.
exams suck.
but anyway.

quiz

2004-09-29T01:59:00.000-07:00

1. Name: clarissa (i soooo hate my nickname.)
2. Single or taken: single not looking
3. Sex: Female
4. Birthday: 180990
5. Age: 14
6. Sign: virgo
7. Eye colour: black
8. Hair colour: black and white. bleh.
Relationships
9. Do u have a bf/gf: nope haha i'm proud of myself.
10. Do u have crush: um yes.
Fashion
11. Your favorite place to shop: er. er. place with black clothes. like. um. peace angel! haha i introduced the WORLD to that store. hmm they should pay me for that.
12. Your favorite shop: eh! didnt i just answer that. well i like baggy clothes. so guess.
13. Your favorite label: ohoh i like topshop sometimes when i'm feeling flashy. but usually it's BLACK so don't get your hopes up.
14. Your favorite designer: GUCCI. they're just stylin'.
15. Tattoos or piercing: tattoo. and piercings.
Specifics
16. What's your job: student
17. Do u do drugs: noooo.
18. What shampoo do u use: anything that i happen to grab when i'm half-blinded by soap in the shower.
19. What are u most scared of: people. and heights. oh my god heights. and rollercoasters.
20. Who is the last person that called you: i try my best to not answer the phone.
21. The last person who sms'ed you: i turn off my phone for a reason you know! haha
22. The content of your last sms: as usual no one's listening to me.
Favorites
23. Color: BLACK.
24. Food: i don't really like food. i just eat whatever people give me.
25. Boys name: christian
26. Girls name: hm celine! or calista! yeaps.
27. Subjects in school:recess.
28. Teacher: ah sigh they all pick on me.
29. Place: i like being alone some, but sometimes shove me into a crowded place and i'm happy. i like orchard.
30. Animal: iguana. heh.
31. Sports: softball(if i don't put this my softball mates will pummel me rightt.)
32. Drink: water. i hate burping coke.
33. You wish u could live somewhere else: yeah.
34. You think about suicide: sometimes...
35. You believe in online dating: online dating is for psychopaths and despodents.
36. Others find you attractive: no way man.
37. You want more piercing: maybe. tattoos first.
38. You drink: alcoholism is for retrenched sad balding old men who want to forget their worries.
39. You smoke: no! it stains yr teeth..
40. You do drugs: i'm a panadol junkie.
41. You like cleaning: noo.
42. You like roller coasters: NONONONO NEVER AGAIN
43. You act loud/quiet in a crowd: depends whether my stoning mode is on
44. Ever cried over a girl/boy: alot.
45. Ever cheated over a boy/girl: no
46. Ever lied to someone and felt guilty: no.
47. Ever been arrested: by police? no.
Do you think you are..
48. Pretty: no
49. Funny: sometimes
50. Hot: no!
51. Friendly: definitely
52. Ugly: i suppose i'm a below average rater. YES ALRIGHT I ADMIT. I'M UGLY.
53. Lovable: ehh.
54: caring: yeah
55. Sweet: hahahaha
56. Cute:no i absolutely despise people who act cute.
57. Arrogant: DEFINITELY
58. Geeky: yes.
59. Photogenic: no.
60. Motto: "oh screw YOU".
61. Best feature: nothing. this quiz does absolutely NOTHING for my self-esteem.
62. Weakness: i don't think about what i say before i say it.
63. Next action/ambition: start a radical revolution and revolt them devilish harbingers of doom. you know. i mean, revamp the political situation. yea i wouldn't mind being some big old country's political leader.

wretchedness.

2004-09-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

hey people i know i havent updated for ages and ages but i really honestly couldn't be bothered. yeaps so anyway i'm not here to diss someone, no, i remember recently i was preaching to others about peace. so i shall try to listen to myself for once. yeah well anyway i am verysuperdepressed and i'm not quite sure why. ah stress. the darling eoys are coming soon and i havent touched my books. but ode's says i have a great memory. haha i like compliments, especially since i dont get many often. i just realised i'm not really enjoying my class as much as i should be, having known these people for nearly a year. at some point i always feel excluded, or i feel i cant relate to them at all. i'm so different -- i have different beliefs and interests. i don't like gossiping about others, only the occassional bitching. but really, the good old days. my friends now still rock my socks, but it just isn't the same. darn i'm depressing myself again. i need to slap myself. last night i had a terrible dream. i do believe i was drunk, then i staggered into this room and found someone dead on the floor. i turned her over, i couldnt see her face: then i realised it was someone important to me. with the blood on my hands, the police truly caught me red-handed. no, it wasn't suyee, i'm not a sadist, despite what people say. i have really heard some slanderous things about me the past few weeks. am i really that hateful? why do people hate me. right now, after writing this, i'm empty, devoid of emotion. but. "BUT." i feel wretched.

bah

2004-09-11T02:02:00.000-07:00

i'm making an attempt to update, since jessie has requested it.
well, nothing special has happened in my life thus far, as if anything ever does. every fortune simply bypasses me and chooses a worthier person. i must have committed grievous crimes in my past life.
well, i've been sick since monday, i couldn't go for training, i haven't accomplished my geog project, my english movie review is still not handed up, and i swear, i'm busted.
and as the anonymous tagger on my blog has insisted, i am utterly hateful.
oh cruel world, to have dealt me such a powerful blow. melodramatic?i doubt so.
indeed, i may be complex, and to some, strange, but nevertheless i retain my originality, for upon losing it, i will ultimately, have nothing, because apparently friendship is not something that i can rely on.
truly, to have been given enlightenment on life, that is my gift. to source pain from joy. to obtain grief from ecstacy. is that not what i have been set on Earth for? to deal others pain, as i suffer myself?
woe, in its purest form.
i bade you goodnight.

haha i'm sorry to have been so insane as to write this. well anyway. a proper update's in order, i see.
on monday: fell sick, then fell in love.
tuesday: had chinese tuition, felt sicker.
wednesday: in danger of losing my voice.
thursday: finished my book on philosophy.
friday: watched a cinderella story. to make amendness for the inane stupidity i had dispensed into my brain, i strove to make amends by beginning Plato's The Republic. having been interrupted incessantly by others, i gave up out of sheer irritation.
saturday: i woke up late with a headache and almost fell down the stairs.(now that sounds like me, doesn't it.)
the programme for sunday remains to be lived out. or botched up, maybe, knowing myself.
"a whisper resounding in my ear
i whip around
to nothing
amassed emptiness
concentrated on one: me."-anonymous. haha like it? i like the straightforwardness. ah well. i shall go drown my sorrows in a sober book again.

hey again

2004-09-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

i was just wondering if there was such a thing as a life wish. i read about it somewhere, that if you wish something with all your heart and soul, it will come true. i hope i have a life wish. ah well. i was reading the papers and stumbled across this: a 16 year old boy from Queenstown Secondary was making his own contribution to society by allowing people to make anonymous confessions to ease their guilt. here's the site: http://www.confess.weforgive.org/ the confessions those people made were revolting. there was this 12 yr old girl who had sex 3 times. ohmygoodness. i can't say much for our current societal moral solidarity. at least they know how to change .
placing a different perspective on life changes my viewpoint of everything. no longer shall i be the eternal optimist, constantly struggling against the trials and tribulations of life, now, i shall be a constant cynic, which i am fully capable of.
after watching the Simpsons, i have a sudden urge to don a pair of dark glasses and a snazzy suit and play the saxophone. television. it truly corrupts your mind.
suyee: i never said i didn't want him! i said his hair was very light. and he's old? really? i haven't checked up on his age yet. and don't curse my wishing.
sangee: but i really don't know who valerie is!!
jean: it really wasn't my fault! it was kellee's fault! ahhh.evil frog. hahahahh. like a knight in shining armor to save the damsel in distress . oboy. haha(:
twinnie: hey ricky! but marilyn monroe is just some dang smouldering temptress. haha she rocks. and i changed my layout(:
hids: you pervert! stop gazing at cristiano ronaldo's ass! ergh.
ginny: haha marilyn monroe a barbie doll? weirdie!
sarah: linklink! lazy(: haha i have a mole too. it marred the beauty of my precious hand. ah well.
ariel: i replied yr email! i bet you lost it! how could you! you're so hurtful! i sent you 25 long agonising lines! ahhh
kinnie: hey i'm not ponning trg on purpose okaye! eyeerrr. let's go towning after eoys.
i'm tired and i don't feel like replying any more tags.
I LOVE AZTIQUE.(:

hey

2004-09-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

hey guys havent updated in a while. don't feel like anymore, my blog's been bloody discovered. my html skills have gone down the drain, i can't lock my blog. what shit. so yes anyway we had CIP today. potting plants, picking leaves, entertaining geriatrics. moderately interesting. there was one kindly old man who actually paid attention to us during our "perfomance", which was largely impromptu as many people didn't have ample time to organise an item of their own. my throat feels raspy and i feel like i just ate a furry animal. blasted throat.
i made 7 wishes with the saga seeds today(: hope they'll come true.
my first priority:

for people to like me as i am and not try to alter me in any way. is that too much to ask?i want someone who appreciates me.

heyhey

2004-09-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

today i cut my hair. ahh i look the same. amazing. ahahs this heartwrenching handsome guy cut it, but unfortunately he was also gloriously gay. all the good-looking ones are gay. what sort of justice is that. haha anyway. i didnt get to buy lime *grumbles. ah well!
sangee: don't be a mean pig youu.he looks nice.(:
progress report tomorrow! kamikaze, more like.

heyyy

2004-08-31T05:18:00.000-07:00

heyhey(: haha today went out. took neos x) ahh sigh. i looked like a kinky dweeb. ting had poo on her head. yeps. haha ahhh jean cldn't stay for long! so sadd! nvm there's always next time. progress report in 2 days! hell no. ah i'm like a pig to the slaughter. new layout. nice nice. yeps. he looks. FLAWLESS. yepps! too tired to update properly. as usuall. the concert in sch was BORING. ariel was gormless as usual. i was high-strung. ah.

pooo

2004-08-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

ahh heyhey havent posted in awhile. yeps yesterday's trg so sucked okaye! my stamina flew outta the window. usually i can tahan but yesterday i was dyingg. haha sigh. streaming's coming soon! freakeh. the exam that will affect the rest of our lives! ahh who cares. haha update properly later i need ter to tuition hw(: haha byes!

bluee!

2004-08-25T03:46:00.000-07:00

Like a fool I went and stayed too long Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong Oo baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours
Then that time I went and said goodbye Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry Oo baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours
Here I am baby Oh, you've got the future in your hand (signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours) Here I am baby, oh, you've got the future in your hand (signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours) I've done alot of foolish things that I really didn't mean Hey, hey, yea, yea, didn't I, oh baby
Seen a lot of things in this old world When I touched them they did nothing, girl Oo baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours, oh I'm yours
Oo-wee babe you set my soul on fire That's why I know you are my only desire Oo baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours
Here I am baby Oh, you've got the future in your hand (signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours) Here I am baby, oh, you've got the future in your hand (signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours) I've done alot of foolish things that I really didn't mean I could be a broken man but here I am
haha that song rocks. blue concert. whee(;
today's trg was just full-blow weird! haha jean kept poking people's boobs. sighsigh. and ariel kept trying to cry. hahah was sooo funny. shan't go into details, anyhow (:
my eyebrows make me look evil! `pouts. riiiiiiccckyyyy you make the twinnie blog! hahah(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JA!

2004-08-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JA!!!
heheh. this entry is dedicated to ja so it's entirely yellow and i can't see a single thing! hahah.
ja: yeps girl you're 14! hahah don't worry i'll call you as soon as i find your dang number. haha come to sch to collect your present soon kae! (: you're, as wp sayss.. FABULOUSLY FOURTEEN! (but i still maintain it's one step closer to white hair__)cheers(:
i wanna marry a jamaican. `random. (: yeeppps. today we had science and geog. thought geog was supposed to be an easy subject where you could score.. but they really made us work for our marks.. we had to write so dang much. sigh. science was plainly odd. i got 6.00 when others got 0.33. oh well(:
there is absolutely nothing wrong with me okay people! i am just in my kick-back-into-my fantasy-mode. maybe there is something wrong with me! what am i doing online when i have a chinese test tomorrow? i am so stressed out. if i do badly i'll fling myself headlong into a wall.
okay i'm real tired now so i shall go sleep. i'll update somewhat properly tomorrow.

heyyy

2004-08-22T00:57:00.000-07:00

yepps so ytd was ja's farewell partee. oh my gosh i haven't eaten that much in aggeeees. haha there was pizza, chicken wings, yakitori, fries, keropok, chips, corn chips, sausages, grapes, honeydew, and cake. which i didn't get because them stupid people were just opening the cake when my parents honked outside. blahh. hahah. yepppss. was okay la. tho i didn't quite know those people that well.. they were kinda friendly. (: not baaadss. yeppiees. pranked some people but in the middle of the BEST one ja's parents came home. blahhh. hahahs.(;
today was stuuupid. my sister's one of those jerks who expects everyone to kiss her feet and do everything for her and when you request her to do something, she says, "why the hell should i?" now that's backstabbing at its most potent. disgusting behaviour, really. it's a wonder people actually like her. and once she's done using everyone, extorting all that she can have, she throws you aside like a useless piece of trash. wonderful specimen for a human, she is, really. she doesn't know my blog noww. whoopdeedo00.(;
haha. asyikin has a majorly rocking singing voice. whoop she sounds like one of those jazz singers and she's got the power. hhahah(:
after going to ja's partee, and hearing all them 2ians scream incessantly, i finally declare myself completely and entirely deaf. oh well!!! hahah yeppps.(:

sigh

2004-08-21T01:33:00.000-07:00

2ians stray

SUAY.

2004-08-20T04:06:00.000-07:00

hello today was annoying. esp' mel. and wp. arghhhhhh.
haha anyway. THEN. in the morning we had math. which was trig. which i didnt understand at all, so maths sucked. then was pe. where i whacked jiahui in the face with a soccer ball accidentally but she just took the opportunity to make me feel uber guilty. then english. no comment. this strange girl who looks like adrien brody was acting as some uber unlucky girl (like me) and somehow donkeh got it in her head that she looked like orlando bloom. x) aaaand. chinese was boring. we had to write this compo and she didnt even allow us to write it properly, she gave us the beginning, middle and ending. what else is there to write!!?? haha sigh. science was. SCARY.
jean: "yooohooo clari! (clari ignores.) clari clari clari clari clari clari clari clariclari clari clari clari clari clari clari clari" ahh can die man.
ode's:"make me mad, go on, piss me off!"
suyee:"POP"
and this just came into mind. from yesterday. ariel: "clari tie my shoelace!!" er. haha. and yes, during cme wanpin spit into my face while trying to pronounce "atheist" (when i was supposed to be relaxing.)
and then! after school was the absolutee worst! i couldn't open the door because the idiotic wind had slammed it shut so stupid mel decided to run straight into me to "help me" open the door and guess what? it worked. but it also hurt like bloody hell. haha. THEN. there's more. during softball trg cos i was putting the ball on the t stand for mel and i hadnt taken my hand away yet.. she suddenly swung and hit my hand. so now it's red, swollen. eurgh. this should've been friday the 13th. i now have ISSUES with fridays.
and i forgot. during science. jean was biting her marker as usual and i was like "jean stoppit!!" and she stopped. it was the double-ended kind of marker, so.. when she took out the marker.. she spat the other cover out. disgusting.
okay i think i'm done.

hellloo(:

2004-08-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

I took sooo long to get this set to verdana. stupid blogspot. haha anyway.(: tday was booooringg man. except for that demonic math test. that was hell. it was so darn hard okaye! my brain was going to explode into teeenytiny pieces. Lit was another stoning session. oh well. i used to like Lit, when we were doing Romeo and Juliet. Now that Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry is just so mediocre. i mean, racial prejudice happens to us all the time and we don't even bat an eyelid. if no one takes action in real life, how is a book to move people? and Unseen Poetry. the worst thing. i hate poetry. analysing i mean. writing poetry is fun. poetry is just for everyone to reflect upon it, a media in which people express themselves, and i'm sure no one would have wanted their poem to be analysed word-for-word. if not, the poem just loses all meaning...
yes i'm off crapping again. hahah oh man i can't wait for the weekend. this school week is just tooo taxing for me. (:
ta's!

oooops.

2004-08-18T04:30:00.000-07:00

sigh this thing is sooo confusing okay! i don't know what happened to my first entry! i hope jean's entry is still there. hahah jean! the entry i did for you was so nice and sweeeet your's was so update-y. bleh! ahah nvm. trg today was nice.
except that i still suck. nevermind ignore that.
hahah kelly was being stupid! she was making me so depressed that in the end i entirely gave up talking to her at all. x) ehehhes.
lyds i want my nice long letter!!! yeppps.(:

2004-08-18T04:18:00.000-07:00

hey guys! this is jean updating. clari and i have this update for each other thing going on! anyway! she's writing me a testi now! haha she owes me one! oh yay she's done! haha hmmm.. apparantly i have pissing clari off these few days but i know she's not angry right clari! haha. hmmm! why isn't my name under your likes doode! haha. nvm lah. anyway trg today was quite tiring but besides that nothing else happened in class! hope this is okay clari! luffyou! bye!

heyhey

2004-08-17T02:34:00.001-07:00

HEY testing